I am going to carry you. I am not so cruel as to leave you out in the middle of nowhere with an injury.
[ ...perhaps there's a tinge of something old and bitter in his voice--a memory from long ago where he was here--in the opposite place to where kni is. Having raised a weapon he had no right using, having been punished for it, his arm detached; laying out in the sun-baked desert heat.
Watching as Kni's back shrunk into the distance.
...He wouldn't do that. Angry as he was... he wouldn't leave the other feeling helpless and alone. He couldn't teach the other to be better if he wasn't better, after all. ]
Come on. I need to check to see if anything's broken.
[ regardless of what kni wants--Vash is going to pick him up, and lift him onto his shoulder. His voice is still quiet, deadly monotone and lacking his usual fluster and flair--no extra movements or exaggerated expressions yet bleeding into his words. ]
[even if kni wanted to, there was no room to argue back. instead, he just nods once, an awkward jerk of his head as he clutches his injured arm against his chest with a near bruising grip. vash lifts him up and kni keeps his gaze down, watching vash's boots crunch through the snow.
there's so much he could focus on right now, things he could say that could maybe ease the heavy tension, disappointment, falling off of vash in crashing waves. but kni's mind is a mess, everything choked up and tangled around the terrible guilt sitting like a cold stone in his stomach.
for some reason or another, he can't help but go back to the way the gun had felt in his hands before he decided to fire it. something he had made for vash so long ago. he had spent some time admiring the little details, weighing it in his hands, all while wondering how many people had looked down into its barrel. he wondered what vash's brother had been thinking when he had created it, a gun for a pacifist.
the walk back feels longer than when kni had first made the trip out from the cottage, the snow colder and the winds a little more bitter.]
[ ' A gun for a Pacifist ', that's exactly what it was. Peacemaker, a weapon he only ever used to protect others and never once to kill: he was determined to keep it that way; and having Kni use it...
He'd felt that uncertainty swirling in his gut again. He wanted to keep Kni well away from violence, the only way he could possibly make sure the other didn't become the same cold, unflappable killer he'd become back home.
The crunch in the snow is nearly deafening, the loudest sound in the world as they silently head back to the cottage. The creak of the door just as loud once they get back--the warmth of the fire in the oven curling over his skin. He'll carefully move to put Kni down on one of the beds--and go retrieve the first aid kit to make a sling for the kid's arm. ]
...I told you it was dangerous. Guns are weapons made to kill--which means they're dangerous to use, too.
[his cheeks flush as the chill from outside is chased away as vash brings them inside. kni's head lifts to watch vash walk away after he's set on the bed, his uninjured hand cradling the other tight against his chest.
the cottage feels almost too hot, crackling over his skin almost taunting him. when vash speaks, kni looks down, expression pinched.]
I know. [his voice is small and the response is weak. it feels like such a childish answer, but there's not much he can say that would magically make everything right.] I thought, maybe... I mean...
[he thought he knew better, knew enough to be confident in his actions.]
You weren't thinking. [ he can say that much easily--with confidence, even. that the boy wasn't thinking at all.
he was thinking he knew more than vash--and while yes, normally, that was true--vash's brain was too soupy and full of other things to really want to sit and STUDY of all things--a firearm was the one thing he was uniquely talented at.
he'd trained with that gun for so long, it was like part of his body, now. ...he sighs, quietly, coming over with a long bandage, starting to do first aid on kni--checking his shoulder for torn tendons, or anything that might need Actual Medical Help. ...Fortunately, it just seems to be a badly pulled muscle and maybe some pretty bad bruising that'll start getting bigger soon. ]
...I know you want to do something to protect me. But guns are. ...One of the worst weapons to use for protection. The only reason I use one is because I was determined to learn how to use one in a way that didn't hurt others.
[vash is right and kni doesn't argue against it. there's very little he can argue against right now.
he tries not to flinch when vash starts to handle his injured arm, bruised muscles screaming at the light motions. it hurts and being so unaccustomed to pain only makes it worse, but he's trying not to let it show on his face. across their connection the discomfort is more than apparent, but there's not much he can do to hide that from vash.
he keeps his gaze lowered, focusing on his open palm.]
I can't do anything... everything that made me strong is locked away. You and Eve say my powers will come back over time, but what if something happens? [his wrist is throbbing. kni's gaze narrows.] I thought if I could prove to you that I could handle a gun, that you'd finally agree...
[a plan he didn't think through enough, he knows now.]
I don't want to hurt anyone either, but I can't... trust people like you can.
[ it's a painful truth that Vash and Kni share--one that Vash hasn't shared with a single person on the planet. Not even Wolfwood, not even Dante: that he and Kni had seen the true cruelty of humanity and what they're capable of. Vash was able to come to terms with it; to accept that only some humans have that capacity for cruelty while others would fight for them--protect them. Just as Rem had.
He doesn't know the difference in experiences Kni had from him--but in his own memory, he remembers so strongly how affected by it Kni had been. How he'd passed out so solidly he'd come close to dying in his sleep. It's impossible to ask Kni to just ... get over something like that. Slowly, one step at a time--it's a process that might take years. That Kni may never come to trust humans, fully. But maybe one day he could tolerate living side-by-side with them.
He gently squeezes kni's hand. His eyes closing. ]
...I know you don't. It's why ... [ the ships all were made to crash and burn. ] I know I can't ask you to just give up your views and understand mine. It's not something so simple. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you your distrust is unwarrented.
[ his entire body is a roadmap that argues otherwise, isn't it, after all? ]
I just need you to... understand one thing. And it's that not every human has the capacity for cruelty. If 'something ever happens.'... Even if you still don't have access to your gate.
There are people here you can look for, for help. There are people here who would protect you, just because you asked. Not for any gain, profit, or anything of the sort.
[ he opens his eyes. Looking at Kni. ]
...if you're determined to have something to defend yourself, we'll look into something. Something that isn't deadly and dangerous, like a gun. But something that will keep you safe, if I truly can't.
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ornamentals) wrote2030-07-01 11:44 am
no subject
[ ...perhaps there's a tinge of something old and bitter in his voice--a memory from long ago where he was here--in the opposite place to where kni is. Having raised a weapon he had no right using, having been punished for it, his arm detached; laying out in the sun-baked desert heat.
Watching as Kni's back shrunk into the distance.
...He wouldn't do that.
Angry as he was... he wouldn't leave the other feeling helpless and alone. He couldn't teach the other to be better if he wasn't better, after all. ]
Come on. I need to check to see if anything's broken.
[ regardless of what kni wants--Vash is going to pick him up, and lift him onto his shoulder. His voice is still quiet, deadly monotone and lacking his usual fluster and flair--no extra movements or exaggerated expressions yet bleeding into his words. ]
no subject
there's so much he could focus on right now, things he could say that could maybe ease the heavy tension, disappointment, falling off of vash in crashing waves. but kni's mind is a mess, everything choked up and tangled around the terrible guilt sitting like a cold stone in his stomach.
for some reason or another, he can't help but go back to the way the gun had felt in his hands before he decided to fire it. something he had made for vash so long ago. he had spent some time admiring the little details, weighing it in his hands, all while wondering how many people had looked down into its barrel. he wondered what vash's brother had been thinking when he had created it, a gun for a pacifist.
the walk back feels longer than when kni had first made the trip out from the cottage, the snow colder and the winds a little more bitter.]
no subject
He'd felt that uncertainty swirling in his gut again. He wanted to keep Kni well away from violence, the only way he could possibly make sure the other didn't become the same cold, unflappable killer he'd become back home.
The crunch in the snow is nearly deafening, the loudest sound in the world as they silently head back to the cottage. The creak of the door just as loud once they get back--the warmth of the fire in the oven curling over his skin. He'll carefully move to put Kni down on one of the beds--and go retrieve the first aid kit to make a sling for the kid's arm. ]
...I told you it was dangerous.
Guns are weapons made to kill--which means they're dangerous to use, too.
no subject
the cottage feels almost too hot, crackling over his skin almost taunting him. when vash speaks, kni looks down, expression pinched.]
I know. [his voice is small and the response is weak. it feels like such a childish answer, but there's not much he can say that would magically make everything right.] I thought, maybe... I mean...
[he thought he knew better, knew enough to be confident in his actions.]
no subject
he was thinking he knew more than vash--and while yes, normally, that was true--vash's brain was too soupy and full of other things to really want to sit and STUDY of all things--a firearm was the one thing he was uniquely talented at.
he'd trained with that gun for so long, it was like part of his body, now.
...he sighs, quietly, coming over with a long bandage, starting to do first aid on kni--checking his shoulder for torn tendons, or anything that might need Actual Medical Help. ...Fortunately, it just seems to be a badly pulled muscle and maybe some pretty bad bruising that'll start getting bigger soon. ]
...I know you want to do something to protect me. But guns are. ...One of the worst weapons to use for protection.
The only reason I use one is because I was determined to learn how to use one in a way that didn't hurt others.
no subject
he tries not to flinch when vash starts to handle his injured arm, bruised muscles screaming at the light motions. it hurts and being so unaccustomed to pain only makes it worse, but he's trying not to let it show on his face. across their connection the discomfort is more than apparent, but there's not much he can do to hide that from vash.
he keeps his gaze lowered, focusing on his open palm.]
I can't do anything... everything that made me strong is locked away. You and Eve say my powers will come back over time, but what if something happens? [his wrist is throbbing. kni's gaze narrows.] I thought if I could prove to you that I could handle a gun, that you'd finally agree...
[a plan he didn't think through enough, he knows now.]
I don't want to hurt anyone either, but I can't... trust people like you can.
no subject
He doesn't know the difference in experiences Kni had from him--but in his own memory, he remembers so strongly how affected by it Kni had been. How he'd passed out so solidly he'd come close to dying in his sleep. It's impossible to ask Kni to just ... get over something like that. Slowly, one step at a time--it's a process that might take years. That Kni may never come to trust humans, fully. But maybe one day he could tolerate living side-by-side with them.
He gently squeezes kni's hand. His eyes closing. ]
...I know you don't. It's why ... [ the ships all were made to crash and burn. ] I know I can't ask you to just give up your views and understand mine. It's not something so simple. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you your distrust is unwarrented.
[ his entire body is a roadmap that argues otherwise, isn't it, after all? ]
I just need you to... understand one thing. And it's that not every human has the capacity for cruelty. If 'something ever happens.'... Even if you still don't have access to your gate.
There are people here you can look for, for help.
There are people here who would protect you, just because you asked. Not for any gain, profit, or anything of the sort.
[ he opens his eyes. Looking at Kni. ]
...if you're determined to have something to defend yourself, we'll look into something.
Something that isn't deadly and dangerous, like a gun. But something that will keep you safe, if I truly can't.